101 degree nostalgia.

Just like hearing a song from high school or the scent of your grandmother's perfume can take you back to a time or place that only exists in your memory, the African heat carries with it the ability to take my mind back to my first months here. The feeling of being hot no matter what you do, the annoyance of the flies buzzing all around your head, body and lunch, the smell of the kids so desperately needing to wear the deodorant they have no interest in. My mind instantly returns to that time almost a year ago when this place I now call home seemed like a foreign land; when the people I've come to call some of my closest friends were just staff members; when these kids that I have fallen completely in love with, for better or worse, were just adorable angels who could do no wrong (I know better now *wink wink). Back then, the word robot was a machine like Jonny 5 or C3PO. Now it is, of course, a traffic light. I refer to math as "maths" even when speaking with Americans. Ngoku ndiyatetha (I can now speak) the language that was once just an impossible code of clicks. The contrast between then and now is vast.

The heat is not the only source of the nostalgia that has taken my focus off whatever I am supposed to be doing and caused me to wonder off in thought. 

My inability to allow any moment to go by without soaking up every aspect of it is sourced from my painful decision to return to the States in December. For some of you reading this, that won't come as news since that was the plan from the beginning. My commitment was for a year, which will be up in December. However, many of you know the turmoil I have been facing as I tried to decipher whether God was calling me home or calling me to stay longer. There were times I was certain that I was staying and times I was positive He was calling me home. But when decision time came, I was lost. Even now after I've made my decision and am officially putting it out there, I am no where near as confident as I would like to be. I have been back and forth so many times but in the end, I have to rest in what I feel God has revealed to me. And although He has not been nearly as clear as He was when he called me here, I know I have been listening honestly and without my own agenda and must discern what I feel He is saying. Deciding to leave my life here is the hardest decision I have ever had to make, hands down. It makes the decision to move out here seem like baby stuff. If I wrote about everything I am feeling and thinking and fearing, this would go on way too long and most of you would stop reading ;) so I'll move on from the depressing rambling and fill you in on the haps. 

I haven't written in so long because a.) I'm obviously really bad at updating this

blog; and b.) I've had visitors galore! My mom and step-dad were out for 8 days of awesomeness. We drove up the east coast, went on a freakin awesome safari, got lost and found adventure (duh) and had more fun than I could have imagined. It was so refreshing having them here. There's just something about "Mom" that just makes us feel better, you know? :) They left and a week later my dad and my sister showed up! Pops was here for a week in which we flew up the East Coast so that he could actualize his dream of surfing the famous Jeffrey's Bay. We stayed on the water and just relaxed in the beauty of J-Bay for a 

couple days. Also while up there, we visited a lion sanctuary where they let you...wait for it...hold baby lions!! I know, it was unreal. Maybe the most awesome experience of my life. The entire trip was surreal. Spending so much time with my dad was a bigger blessing than I realized it would be. I truly have been

 blessed with amazing parents. After my dad left, my sister stayed another 2 weeks!! If you don't know, my sister and I are basically as close as you can possibly get as far as sisters go. I'm pretty sure we could win an award or something. She came and helped at the school and basically just lived life with me for 2 weeks. Time with her is always both hysterical and incredibly deep and meaningful. I am the luckiest sister on the planet. Don't even try to argue with me. You won't win. 

 

I celebrated my 26th birthday with 16 girls serenading me with an african birthday song, a dance dedicated to me (including their version of the "Ms. Fenwick" which is actually just what we would call "the sprinkler" for those of you who know your awesome dance moves) and more hand-made birthday cards than I've ever received in my life. It just so happened that the boys were all home for the weekend so my sister and I got to take the girls to the beach for the day. I can't imagine a better way to spend my birthday than playing in the ocean with the loves of my life (it could only have been better if I could have flown a few of you in from the States!). Twenty-five was pretty phenomenal, but I have a feeling 26 is going to be even better. 

I always wait so long to write these and then have too much to say. This was basically an "about me" update, which I now feel kind of bad about. There is

so much to catch you up on regarding life at the Academy. As the school year is wrapping up, we're preparing for exams and final reports like crazy. We've done assessments and accepted new students for the next school year, which is very exciting! There have definitely been challenges and some of it has been extremely difficult. But I must always rest in the fact that God loves these kids way more than I ever could. We are never going to save them or fix them. Only God can do that and luckily for us, He's an expert at it. Please, please, please continue to pray for these children every day. They need us to be interceding for them and fighting for them, even when they can't fight for themselves. Also, please continue to pray for the staff here. They are the ones doing the hard work for the kingdom and for these kids and are, therefore, always under attack from the enemy. Pray for unity amongst us, wisdom and discernment. Also, if I could ask you to be praying for me as I approach a very, very difficult 2 months of preparation to say goodbye. Pray for my heart, the kids hearts and for peace on all of our parts. I can not underemphasize the need for your prayers. Thank you for coming alongside us, whether it is financially, prayerfully or merely by reading this and being an encouragement to me.